Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
