Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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