I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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