So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm too high and old for this...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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