I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
