she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
