I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
