I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
