Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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