Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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