I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
