i may or may not be watching the land before time
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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