one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
