so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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