He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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