we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
