His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
