Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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