I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
