I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
