Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
