Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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