I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
