and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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