I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
