Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
