11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
