In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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