I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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