When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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