So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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