He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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