I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
