Me too!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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