His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
