There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
