Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
