Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
