mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
