So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
high people should be assigned attendants
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
