Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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