Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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