Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
