Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I looked at my own cervix.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
