Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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