I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We have started to decorate penises.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
