i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
