Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
