this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
