Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
