Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
