I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've blown a few things in my day
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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