oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
