What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
