Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
